I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
