Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
