My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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