How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
they're like a gay fantastic four
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
