I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
