she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
