Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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