census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
