Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
