Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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