she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He better not be in your backpack
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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