I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
