Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
