so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I wear drunk well.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
