Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
