He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
two words: eviction party
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
