I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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