i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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