i barfeds in our rink
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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