I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so let's talk penis.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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