You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
