I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
