where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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