he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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