Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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