Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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