the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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