i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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