3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
