Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
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The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
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I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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