glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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