I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I want to fling myself into the sun
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
