Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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