He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
