OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
