My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
