Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
