How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
