we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
