We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
