He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
