do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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