Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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