Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
