You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
