He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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