Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's just like the Real World with babies
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
