Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.