no, he came in my armpit
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
and you fell through a lawn chair
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
