the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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