My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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