Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
