I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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