saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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