don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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