you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
