White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
