All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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